At Pearly Gates

George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.
  Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.


 The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein.  Saint Peter questions him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to in order to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "CouldI have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and  chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed, "You really are Einstein!
 Welcome to Heaven!"

 The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for his credentials.  Picasso doesn't hesitate, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"  Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural.
 Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few
 strokes of the chalk.
 Saint Peter claps, "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"

 The last to arrive is George W. Bush.
Saint Peter scratches his head "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their
 identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

 Saint Peter sighed, "Come on in, George."

Once upon a time...
 

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch,and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer.  He turns to the shepherd and says,"You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd answers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man takes an animal and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"

The shepherd says, "You are a consultant."

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business.
Now can I have my DOG back?"